There is always jelly

This is a repost from a note I scribbled on facebook a few days ago. I thought maybe I'd revive the ol' tales from the quip and instead of looking amused and depressed at the same time when someone asks me what I do for a living, I'll say, "Oh, I'm a writer" at which point, everyone will immediately lose interest in talking to me about it, lest I venture too far into self obsessive conversation about my "art". DAMN I love good ideas like this.

Anyways.

"Sometimes I find it very hard to believe that I turned out to be a neurotically obsessed housewife. But, here I am. My house is clean. More than clean. My bathtub is bleached, my counter tops are sparkling, my dustbunnies---terminated. As I've aged, I have not stopped pondering the mysteries of the universe, I just do it more slowly, with less soap opera "Oh my god Charlie is in a coma and sleeping with my husband!" drama, and more quiet epiphanies that make me chuckle and move on to whatever else I"m doing.

Now the other day, I was in the process of tidying up the kitchen. I had deep cleaned the house after a bout with illness, and was quite pleased with my work for the day. I finished wiping the counters and stood in the middle of my kitchen for a last inspection. "Nice job kelly, oh thats very nice" I happily ran my hand over the exqusitely clean surface and ran my hand directly into a large jiggling blob of grape jelly.

quivering.

sticky.

FREAKING GRAPE JELLY I JUST GODDAMN CLEANED THIS HOUSE.

Outwardly there was no reaction. Perhaps a slight raise of the eyebrow. Inside I felt the insanity of this blob of jelly rising. Pulsing in my right temple.

HOW IS THERE ALWAYS MORE JELLY? ALWAYS!

Theres always one more freaking sock. One more crumb. A disturbingly dusty pair of underwear the cat dragged from god knows where. ONE dish after you did all of the dishes.

and after about 30 seconds, I stood there and thought, "Well fuck it, thats life" In a good way I mean, I mean the fuck it part, I'm not that pessimistic, it just sounds that way because you're the reader, and you must be seeing it through a pessimistic lens, seriously, try to be more open-minded. Anyways. We always want more. We want to obtain perfection, the perfect life, the perfectly clean house, the perfect body, the perfect spouse, the perfect song, the perfect painting. And everytime we HAPPEN to ram our hands through a pile of unseen grape jelly, we go apeshit. There is always jelly. Its there. Waiting. Waiting to spring on you at any moment. The point is, if it werent for that jelly, life would end. It would just cease to exist. You would cease to exist, in a good way probably.

I could tell you what I mean by that, but you can probably figure it out for yourself.

anyways.

The jelly must be dealt with. Just dont be so surprised when it shows up you know?

I am the jelly. I am one with the jelly. "